Nothing blinds a man so well
As the light up to his eyes
A self-inflicted blue-black hell
To blot the sun and sky
Feel like a broken, man today
Forgotten how to change, how to start anew
Here’s a rose and a fern and my heart and a pocket full of rain
Baby I bet you make them all live again with that touch of yours
Nothing binds the heart so well
As filling it with pride
As if this flesh in which we dwell
Were more than just a place to hide.
Feel like a broken man today
Forgotten how to change, how to start anew
Here’s my prose and my heart and my time and a pocket full of rain
Baby I bet you make them all live again, with that love of yours.
And we were innocent blind
The world was falling behind
Wear your truth like a crown
And I am tired and numb
Deaf, thick tongued and dumb
Wearing shit like a crown.
Raise my arms and cry out loud
To be lifted up on high.
Swan dive into the ground
Thinking finally to fly
I feel like a broken man today
Feel like a broken man today.
Here’s a rose and a fern and my heart and my life
Baby, baby hears everything
Can you make me,
Can you make me live again?
Gentle, Withered, Crazy, Lonely, Sitting in a Dark Room, Putting
Cigarettes Out on Your Thighs, Reading Kafka
(aka Gary’s Song)
Let me walk among you and see what I can find
A creature in the corner bound in chains
It was never your fault that I left you behind
It was just part of my nature
A blue-sky, empty, ice held heart
A gentle, withered monster.
A crazy, lonely monster.
A crazy, lonely monster.
Don’t lie to me don’t lie to me
And we could be forever and a day.
Don’t lie to me don’t lie to me
And we could be, forever and a day.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Don’t touch me I don’t want a false caress
Don’t look at me I see behind your eyes.
I know what you think of me, mockery
Plaything flirt for your amusement.
A blue-sky, empty, ice held heart
A gentle, withered monster.
A crazy, lonely monster.
A crazy, lonely monster.
Don’t lie to me don’t lie to me
And we could be forever and a day.
Don’t lie to me don’t lie to me
And we could be, forever and a day.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Build up a paper box
In go the woes of this world
Cold metal and the breaking dawn,
In go the woes of this world
Ashes and scars
There go the woes of this world.
I knew the day
And I want you to love me anyway
And I’ll hold you back,
And I want you, to love me anyway
I want you, to love me anyway
I know you don’t mean it when you whisper to me darlin’
But if you can hold on
Just, don’t stop imaginin’ these moments as our past,
I know you looking for someone to give you all the answers
I can’t give you what you want, if this what you need
But if you can hold on
Just, don’t stop imaginin’ these moments as our past,
I don't wanna hear about the ones you left behind girl
And I know sometimes girl when you say you love me
And you know you’re the one that does it to yourself, girl
So take a moment girl and look into my eyes
Lay me down
Lay me down
I miss you
Sitting in the eye
And I'll never go down
(Instrumental)
Back Up To Top
and put my past inside.
Dirty ribbons and smelling salts
and red welts to hide.
Leather straps and a billion stars
and too much time alone.
If I could live it all again
I would rip you from my home.
In go the woes of this world
I'll drown it all in black.
Secret words and paper planes
And that easy back hand slap.
Sunday school and a useless song
And this shame in my chest.
Put it all in a dirty box
and burn it with the rest.
In go the woes of this world
Burn, burn, burn.
Burn, burn the woes of this world
Ashes and scars
Ashes and scars to mar the surface
of sickly sweet memory.
There go the woes of this world.
That this a world it ended
I said… I said ask me to stay
But you, you flinched away from me.
And now desire is my blood
And desire is my breath
This cancerous tick in my lungs
A licking tripping frying
I’m dosing on my spine. Yes
A licking tripping frying,
I’m a dosing on my spine.
Yes I want you, to love me anyway.
And I’ll breath fantasy into these fingers
I’ll dream faith this flesh it remembers
And I want you, to love me anyway
Yes I want you, to love me anyway.
And I’ll hold you down.
And I’ll hold you as close and as tight as I can
I’m sorry if that was at bay.
And I’ll give you these broken promises
Cus there all that I have to give
And I need the lies of my faith
To keep me in love with you.
Yes I need the lies of my faith
To keep me in love with you.
Yes, I’m in love.
I’m lost in these fantasies
I’m in love
I’m lost in these lies.
Yes I want you, to love me anyway.
And I’ll breath fantasy into these fingers
And I’ll dream faith this flesh it remembers
And I’m licking tripping frying dosing on this
Heart and this soul and this mind and this flesh
And I’m licking tripping frying
Dosing on these fantasies
And I’ll fall back in the grass and I’ll rot into root
And I will gorge myself on decaying memory
Love me anyway.
And I want you, to love me anyway.
Just want someone to hold you when you’re alone
A secondhand lover, to make up the difference
Well if you say it sweet enough I’ll believe
For one more lonely Sunday
Then I will slip in next to you Monday morning
We’ll stay in bed till noon.
And our dreams, they are the futures we’re livin’ in.
Well if someone knows they haven’t been talking to me
You’re prying at the secrets I keep buried behind my eyes
Well, they’re not for, they’re just for me, I don’t trust you.
Not from me, don’t look to me, no not to me
And I can’t give you what you want, if this is what you need
Not from me, don’t look to me, no not to me.
For one more lonely Sunday
Then I will slip in next to you Monday morning.
We’ll stay in bed till noon.
And watch cartoons
And I’ll cook you breakfast in bed
And rent a movie to keep the kids busy.
And our dreams, they are the futures we’re livin’ in.
I Wanna Be Remembered.
(for Melissa)
They remind me too much of me
And how you'll always remember their beautiful faces
Well you forgot their names damned quick
But all that matters is hear and now and us
And I don't wanna be forgotten, no
And I don't wanna slip into your past
There's this little caged animal behind your eyes, yes
Then you think if you can make my life a living hell I'll leave you
Well I won't
Cus I won't be the one to hurt you
You do that fine yourself
And I wanna be remembered, yeah
Not one more piece of scum from your past
You drive them away with your hate and your love, yeah
Well you gotta learn to trust somebody
Gotta learn to trust your heart to lead you on
Cus I can feel your fear
And I won't be forgotten, no
And I won't let you slip into your past
Am I about to leave you high and dry? No
So snuggle up beside me here and go to sleep
And stop your thinking for a while
And take my love for granted
And try not to remember, no
There's nothing there for you in your past
And there's me here for you now
Across the folds of time
In the rivers of life
Water of my life.
The eye of the storm
I feel the wind come crashing down
To scour me with ice and rain
And love burned my spirit clean
With fire from the inside
And love burned my spirit clean
With a fire from the inside
I'm invincible
And I'll never go down
I'm invincible
Listening to your stories
You opened up your eyes for me
I know how much that hurts you
Love burned your memories clean
With a fire from the inside
And love burned your memories clean
With a fire from the inside
And we'll never go down.
We could be invincible
And we'll never go down
You and me we're invincible
And we'll never go
Down down down
Down down down
I told her that I loved her
For the first time today
I can't believe how much it burns
With a fire from the inside
Walked too many miles
She'll be coming soon
You don't have to tell me everything for me to stay
Spent my time in bars
And she'll be coming soon
And you don't have to tell me everything for me to stay
Time rolls across me in waves of emotion
Going down the street to see my uncle Harry
And he says, "Throw back a bottle.
Soft and warm and comfortable
And she says, "Throw off your tensions
It's a little time, and a little love. I'm learning, I think
And I say, "Throw back a bottle.
And she had an easy beauty
Dear friend I missed you the other day
Forgive me for not answer the door
And all that I could ever ask for
Becky, I saw you the other day
Forgive me for stoppin' you that way
And all that I could ever ask for
Finally the demons are gone
And all that I could ever ask for
I can only (calling through time)
You know, long ago I decided that sex with aliens was right out. I mean, there's
some people that tell ya, sex with aliens is one of the most pleasurable
experiences you'll ever have. And depending on which kind of alien they're talking
about, they could be right. But no no. It's right out. It's bad for the immune system.
Piano and Lead Vocals: Jonathan Standifird
I wrote all these songs and my friend Brian sang along with me and sometimes added
There was something I was trying to say, somewhere at the beginning, but I've lost track
(Random conversation)
Back Up To Top
It's time to stop and rest a while
Moon and the stars above
Whisperin' their lies about love
Smokin' a cigarette and hummin' a tune
About lust and lies
And I'll look deep into her eyes
And know fear
You can keep the darkest bits hidden
Trust me I'll understand
Did you beat a child?
Did you kill a man?
Did you take his pride?
Did you live in sin?
I've seen it all a hundred times
A hundred different ways
And everyone's demons are uniquely the same
And everyone's demons are uniquely the same
Trust me you're forgiven
It was never my place to forgive you
Drinkin' alone and countin' my scars
And I found what I need
But it aint pot and it aint speed
It's a dream
Smokin' a cigarette and hummin' a tune
About lust and lies
And I'll look deep into her eyes
And know fear
You can keep the darkest bits hidden
Trust me I'll understand
Did you beat a child?
Did you kill a man?
Did you take his pride?
Did you live in sin?
I've seen it all a hundred times
A hundred different ways
And everyone's demons are uniquely the same
And everyone's demons are uniquely the same
And everyone demons are
Uniquely the same
Trust me you're forgiven
It was never my place to forgive you.
Porthos
(for Tim)
(Instrumental)
Back Up To Top
The lights the darks
Lift me up
Pull me down
My voice is too loud
I get lost in a crowd
Fear to whisper
To be unheard
But what ears hear my words?
Do you hear my words?
This is the language that I speak
He knows a lot about nothing
We sit and we talk and we drink
Yeah, he knows a lot about everything
Relax and tell what's wrong."
He says, "Son, try to do what's right.
I know you. You'll get along."
He said "I know you. You'll get along."
She had an easy beauty
That grows as you learn her
I love spending time there
And sing me a song boy."
She says, "You know that it feels right,
And I won't be leaving soon.
And I won't be leaving soon."
It's a touch of effort, a touch of fingers and I've found so much
It's time we put away our lies
It's time we sat back and had a drink.
Relax and sing a song."
I say, "Keep good people around you
And let yourself be strong. Be strong.
And let yourself be strong."
Progressive Resonance
(for Rick McMahon)
(Instrumental)
Back Up To Top
I was listening for the sound of your old truck
I was kinda drunk that day
I think I passed out around noon
But I really need to talk to you.
See, I've been tearing myself apart
And I thought you might have an answer or two
You usually do
Is a little time with my friends, yes
And all that I could ever ask for
Is a little time with my friends
To try and work it out
You were headed down to Billy's house
Well, he was always a good man to you
Wish I could have been one too
But I was kind of drunk that day
I didn't mean to grab you so
I didn't mean to call you that, no
Is a little forgiveness from you, yes
And all that I could ever ask of you, my love
Is a little forgiveness
Although, I don't deserve it
But the angels are too
They left me here alone
Just me and my bottles
Is a little time with my friends, yeah
All that I could ever ask of you, my love
Is a little forgiveness
Although I don't deserve it
Music Box
(Instrumental)
Back Up To Top
Can only (pull me to your light)
Can only glimpse you (pull me to your light)
In brief flashes of light
I see I see I see
Call me, you call me you...
I miss you
Lay me down in the folds of time
In the folds of your life
Touch, touch, touch my hand
The thirsting
Take, take, take my hand
For the thirsting through time
I'm calling you
Calling you
Flute and Harmony Vocals: Brian Visel
in bits of flute where he thought he could get away with it. The Japanese make some
damn fine flutes, thanks for that, and sushi. I think everything else is forgivable
based on those two things. Brian and I are both from Phoenix, but somehow found
ourselves in San Francisco for a couple of years. It is possible to have a lot of
money in San Francisco and be broke. Which means, somehow I managed to have enough
disposable income to go into the studio and no friends around to keep me otherwise
busy. So I guess I owe this album, in part, to the insanity of the prices and the
people of that wonderful city, which I miss in the same way one misses an ex who you
know is no good for you, with a sort of bitter and desperate love for what once was.
The recordings were done at Polk Street Recording, mostly because it was one bus ride
from the house, but also because they were cheap and answered their phones. Special
thanks to Mango for getting the levels wrong and for having random conversations
with us while the tape was rolling. Oh, and for bumming me smokes. Brian did an
impromptu trio of songs that feature only him and his flute playing and singing to
themselves. Water of my Life, Fear to Whisper and Thirsting Through Time. We sat
outside smoking afterwards, listening to them blast through the studio and out onto
the street. Gray Room Studios in Phoenix helped me to finally master the CD after I
let it sit dormant on ADAT tape for nearly a year. Fayoké Longe put the final polish
on the look of the album. And I would like to give thanks to all the women who over
the years have helped and hindered, left and lingered, jaded and inspired me. Oh yeah,
and lets not forget Mom and God for making it all possible.
since then. It was something grand involving angels and flashes of sulfur, Sam Colt,
that great mathematician and humanitarian who made all men equal and Einstein who gave
constant definition to their mass efforts as a species. But the tune was lost in the
vibration of an infinite set of eleven dimensional strings. Eleven dimensional angels
dancing on the tip of my pen. Don't give up yet! I know the answers are there, between
my personal demons and the physics of godhood, lying dormant in the folds of time, burning
away my memories and flashing the ice in my veins to steam. I tried holding on to the love
in the form of sex and devotion. Tried being lost in the comfort of good food and song
washed down with plenty of cold beer. Explored in midnight conversation that broke with
the dawn on tired and happily caffeinated minds. Sought the clarity of thought possible
only two thirds of the way down a bottle of tequila and buried myself in books trying to
understand and remember. But it still eludes me. I'm afraid to speak because I'll reveal
too much. I'm afraid to think because I know that sin lies in thought not action. Afraid
to stay silent because I am all alone inside here. So I'm whispering compromise hoping
that no one hears the blasphemies stuck in my throat. Afraid someone will catch my quiet
ranting and be infected with grand ideas involving angels and sulfur, choirs of brimstone,
redemption and that first moment when things went so terrifyingly wrong. I am scouring old
songs and ripping lines from crumpled poems hoping I can coax from subconscious plays of
words what is really driving this shit storm of systematic learning and failing. There was
something I was trying to say, somewhere at the beginning, something grand. But I am
seeking with desperation and desire, forgetting that it can not be sought only realized
suddenly and with subtle and staggering clarity.